Dreams- PTSD

March 24, 2012

Hello I don’t really know what to say. Maybe I am crazy, or maybe my dreams still haunt me. I am a ghost of the past sometimes. Other times I am happy in the moment. 🙂

In my past life, I dream/imagine/remember, I was a Nazi. When the regime changed, I was taken by the others because I was a pregnant female in an experiment. I remember being in the Nazi youth camp. I had a twin brother, but we were separated when we turned of age.

I consider this to be PTSD after years of therapy, nightmares, lost longing of love, visions, and channeling poetry. I was never diagnosed with anything specifically but came close to autism and schizophrenia, one time TLE. No doctor followed through on the diagnosis. One psychiatrist broke down in a sweat and said after a few months of group therapy after a transitional period, “Look, nobody knows exactly what schizophrenia is”. He laughed and pointed to some books I never read. They were written by a psychologist who was schizophrenic that was healed. I read a lot. R.D. Laing, Jung, Freud, Nietzsche, Blake, Milton, Alexander Pope…

Still, I’m left with questions. Memories don’t die as quickly as the body does.