PTSD and Fear

January 21, 2013

It is interesting!  I often get people who write to me either through Twitter or Facebook or google or the site itself saying that they love this site.  I almost always invite them to come and post and tell their own stories and experiences and you would be surprised how few follow through.

I wanted to analyze this for myself but I have a hard time with it.  Having experienced PTSD myself and also having managed people I see it happening again and again.  Some people would rather grouse about something then do anything about their gripes.  Having a problem, for some, is sort of a badge of courage.  I am acquainted with someone who personifies this to the Nth degree.  No matter the subject, if you bring anything up, lets say an illness, she has to have the illness that tops them all and yet she never seems to do anything about any of them.  She revels in her complaints.

Could it be that some people, in some corner of their being, would rather complain about PTSD than do anything about it?  That way, they have a built in excuse to avoid facing other issues.  “Well you think you have it bad, I have PTSD” or “I would have succeeded at a higher level if it wasn’t for this PTSD.” Or, “I can’t hold a job because I have PTSD”  Or, “You’d be drinking too if you had PTSD“.

Look, I know life is tough but holding on to something that just makes life harder is something I can’t really understand. Especially if you do nothing about it.   When I realized that something was wrong with me when I returned from Vietnam, I didn’t like feeling as I did so I took steps to change.  I started with an introspective look at myself through my journal.  I’m not a” poor me” kind of person.  I felt that I was a part of everything that happened in my life and things just didn’t happen to me.  I play the lead roll in my short time on stage of life.  Therefore, I wanted to understand why I was acting the way I was in response to my circumstance.

I posted every day into my journal.  Some days I posted a lot more than once.  I asked myself why I was feeling and acting the way that I was.  I was not being guided to do this writing by a psychologist and I actually didn’t even know the term PTSD.  I just knew that I had changed and I wanted to get more familiar with this new me.

I would write if I was upset.  I would write if I did anything out of character for me. I kept trying to wrap myself around the changes I was experiencing.  Little by little I was able to cope with who I had become.  Now if you will fast forward to today, you will see that I am still writing.  I’m very open about this since I feel no shame of who I have become.  I know that this writing was a good thing for me and I feel it will be a good thing for others as well.  I don’t expect you to be like me but I wish I could find the right words to make you try to change and understand yourself

Posting at this site is still free to all who have brushed against PTSD.  Whether it is you, yourself, or one of your loved ones.  You do not have to continue to suffer.  There are others who read this blog every day who have similar feelings and may respond to you or write a comment on what you have said.  Come and start healing yourself.